Fail

It's really hard to blog, especially when you have nothing to do. For instance, the only reason I'm writing this right now is that I'm supposed to be finishing (read: starting) a 2,500 word essay before I leave for Denmark on Thursday morning. Oops. So instead of pretending I actually know what happened during the Falklands War--my knowledge of which stops about 37 minutes into This is England and picks up again at 'Margaret Thatcher was proper shit'--I'm attempting to summarize the last 2.5 weeks of my life.

Lessons of the month:

1) While you're getting ginned, it's way harder than it looks to know when to drink. Thank Jesus for the fact that (though they'll deny it) '4 shots' in Britain are an alcoholic American 2. Nobody else thinks it's depressing to get older.

2) NEVER attempt new slang when drunk and tired -- you'll end up announcing to someone of the opposite sex that you "don't wear knickers". Knickers are NOT the same thing as trousers.

3) There is no right time for someone else to enter a conversation about oral fixations. Ever.

4) I will never live down 85% of the things I say in public.

5) I've said this before, but British people are RACIST. Like, scary racist. At 5 a.m. on the night bus a few weeks ago, this chavvy white woman literally physically assaulted some guy who wouldn't turn his music down 2 seats behind Amanda and me. When other people on the bus got involved, it only took a predictable 1-2 seconds for the 'go back to your country' comments to start flying. Ew. Stupid people piss me off at home, but somehow the smart accent makes Brits wear it even worse than we do.

6) Man panties are 1.50 at Primark, appear to only come in varying combinations of pink, and are the best pajamas of all time when you don't want to do your laundry.

7) British people don't understand the concept of iced coffee...it even sucks at Starbucks.

8) Double strength juice.

9) Nobody here checks their e-mail, which I love. I despise uptight, e-mail obsessed Americans. There's no way you're important enough at age 20 to check your e-mail more than once a day. Have a signature at the end of your e-mail in university? You're probably a douchebag.

10) There are some things that are the same everywhere, namely: vending machines, awkward conversations on public transportation, bitchy TAs, token inappropriate, offensive conservative kids in lecture (usually obsessed with the military, short-haired and unfortunately competent at borderline racial slurs in academic discussion), and chocolate.

11) It's probably always raining in London, even if it's sunny. If you think it's sunny, you're wrong...or at least you will be within the next 15 minutes.

Alas, poor Fanny.

xxx